What’s Being Said Here

We don’t have to go abroad to find misadventures in English, of course. Have a look at this photo, taken in a D.C. hotel this past August:

I never heard any pleas for help, so presumably the maids are okay with being stored in there. Maybe there’s a mini-bar.

Now consider this one, taken on the UVA campus in Charlottesville:

What makes this one curious is its correctness. The word thereof: it’s so proper, even lofty. It’s almost too correct. It’s so correct that, if my own experiences teaching Freshman Comp are any guide, more than a few incoming freshmen will be baffled by it. UVA founder Thomas Jefferson wouldn’t be baffled. A man of the 18th century, he would get thereof. He would understand what’s being said here. He just wouldn’t understand why. He grew tobacco, after all. A lot of it.

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Charlie Geer is the author of the novel “Outbound: The Curious Secession of Latter-Day Charleston.” His work has appeared in Tin House, The Sun, Bloomsbury Magazine, and The Southern Review.