14 Gums

As I get ready to shove off to the States for a month or so, I’m thinking that those students of mine who want to keep in good ESL shape might simply spend some time at the supermarket. At the supermarket most products present the fine print—ingredients, nutritional values, health warnings—in straight Spanish, but the large print, the funky-font print meant to grab the eye and make a sale, often comes at the consumer in English. Words like “effect,” “advanced,” “professional,” “fresh” and “digestive” (?) are especially popular. What’s up with this? Is English labeling meant to make a product seem exotic, like French labeling (“parfume,” “eau de toilette,” “J’adore,” etc.) is meant to do in the States? One friend tells me that if a product has English on the label, people will assume it has been thoroughly tested and is reliable. Okay, then.

Like a lot of bilingual ventures, the practice has its curiosities. Trident sells a sugar-free gum over here called “Senses.” Both the product name, “Senses,” and the packaging, a thin rectangular pack that folds open, suggest prophylactics, but let’s put that aside for a moment. (While we’re at it, let’s also put aside the fact that the word “trident” came to us from the Latin tridens, meaning “having three teeth”—not an ideal image for promoting chewing gum.) The brand (“TRIDENT”), the model (“SENSES”), the flavor (“TROPICAL MIX”), the health benefit (“SUGARFREE”)—nearly everything in plain view is presented in English.

Everything but the contents, which are presented in what may at first look like English but is in fact a kind of Spanglés. On the front panel of the package, the consumer is told that inside the box he or she will find “14 GUMS.”

Gums of what animal, we are not told. If we’re talking human gums, we’re talking cannibalism. Being as this is Spain, land of jamón jamón, a hundred different ways to prepare pork, maybe we’re talking hog gums. Either way, gums is not exactly a cheery, front-of-store product. Point being that in this case it’s maybe best—for sellers of Trident Senses, anyway — if the Spanish shopper knows a little English, but not too much.

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Charlie Geer is the author of the novel “Outbound: The Curious Secession of Latter-Day Charleston.” His work has appeared in Tin House, The Sun, Bloomsbury Magazine, and The Southern Review.