Cooling the House

I try to imagine what air conditioners would say if they had mouths and minds of their own, like after a really long day of trying to cool a really hot house in the middle of summer, at night when they can finally turn off because they got it cool enough they go, Good job today, guys. We really lowered the temperature of air in here. Or if a strange car pulls up into the driveway, in the middle of cooling the house without even skipping a beat they go, Who the fuck’s car is that? Or let’s say somebody’s grandmother dies, and the family decides to hold the wake at the house, and the grandmother was always really mean to her daughter, always reminding her daughter how disappointed she was in her, and always belittling the daughter’s husband for not bringing in enough money, even though the family was, in actuality, quite well-provided for by him — and so while they are cooling all of that the air conditioners are also observing it when the funeral parlor guys wheel her casket in through the front door, and one of them goes, Man. I don’t want to be an asshole, but I’m sort of glad she’s gone. I never really liked her. To which the other air conditioner replies, Dude, totally. She was a true bitch. Good riddance. Meanwhile wanting to solemnly nod, but being held well in place by a few screws through the window pane, and pinned beneath the weight of the top half of the window itself, it cannot. So it does the only thing it can do, which is go on cooling the house.