No Memorial
by Nate Pritts
Number up the times any one person
being a single person / & also a vast wired amalgam
of self linked to all previous iterations,
both wrecked & triumphant / how many
the variations of identity
sprawled out to infinite surrender in forgiveness asked for
from grief
& myriad mistakes & hollow emptiness of the vacant
& this number is heavy grave / inclusive of a record of regret
immutable & intractable but also this same body
of person is known to spring joyous
in celebration when surrounded
by friends / & again glances that best formation
& reaches out
please
please
please remind me about that day
when you mentioned the light
& how it made me look like it did.
It gave me such hope / was the only
best possible solution.
For minutes
I’ve tried to read as much as I possibly
could in an effort to submerge this.
It’s 3 pm & severe in the dignity of rain.
More minds at work & more
participation is needed for the organization
to sing / ever make sense. Many more forces
& several more possible solutions
are needed for the sun to break through
& shine all the time against
this destroyer of grey cloud
drilling into my chest
with equal measures of American fear & love
& impossible dreams
of how entitled we are to something beyond
simple words to recite the being of it / pinning me
to myself & my expectations of sky
& all this air this space
the light no one remembers / very well / since it is something
lost to each of us a little more
in each of the hours we live
with heads bowed down
/ internal acquiescence to huge anxiety / resident &
ever increasing / in the moments when even
writing this down assuages nothing but the dying
of each moment that rolls from me
fully realized against a field of unwritten smiles
& I can’t breathe deep enough to clear my head.
I will not ever need to answer to anyone
about why something isn’t where it should be in my heart.
I will not hold in this rage which is existent if checked
& is still so if unchecked.
Today, we are all moving on with our lives.