Poetry Weather Forecast & Cat Toilet Training

A Well-Trained Cat

Good Afternoon, folks. The Pacific Northwest has been covered in rain and that means our poems are getting wet. In a recent drive from Portland to Seattle there was nothing but rain; during a run this evening there was almost-rain/almost-hail liquid everywhere. Thus, we are advising poets in the greater northwest region to write poems indoors only. Please apply for an Outdoor Book License if you plan to take any books of poetry out of doors for fear that their pages and spines might dampen and curl!!!

While spending time indoors, consider writing a poem about everything you do wrong. If you need an example, Mary Rose O’Reilly does it nicely. Also, there’s an article up on Publishers Weekly that asks what’s the point of poetry reviews. (Our decision to end that sentence with a period rather than a question mark does not imply any rhetorical questions — we just wonder what they’re getting at.) According to PW writing poetry reviews “requires a certain esoteric expertise that few have.” When they say “few” they mean us — you and me. They’re just jealous, right?

Seeing how we’re among the few that can understand poetry critics like Helen Vedler and Stephen Burt, it’s time to get ready for something that will take up all of your time while it’s raining outside and might even make you mentally unstable or, better yet, cheerfully cat-litter-free.

We came across this marvelous guide on how to toilet train your cat,which was obviously written by Charles Mingus. Thanks for the pointers, Chuck. But all that rain’s starting to sound pretty good.

Now, crumple up that poem about all your bad qualities and toss it right into your environmentally-friendly recycling tub, which, of course, is made from used running shoes and plastic bottles. — Lori Huskey

Video: Goodbye Pork Pie Hat