This Aspen’s Stripping Can’t Come Soon Enough

I’m never ready for the change. Usually, I’m just rocking my summer, straight green-leaf chilling in my clonal colony, photosynthesizing the hell out of the Colorado air, then we get a couple frosty nights, and BLAMMO… we’re all gold as puppy piss.

Back in the day turning yellow was awesome. For two weeks every year we were rock star gods… sort of, minus the groupies and drugs. Every tourist, retiree, pothead, and camera fondler within 500 miles camped out and stared at our ripped trunks and shimmering foliage. The nature paparazzi stalked the shit out of us. Even if our root system wasn’t intertwined we couldn’t escape. At one time, we were the heaviest and oldest living organism on Earth until that bitch Pando in Utah stole our title. I mean really, who’s counting… 6,000 tons, 80,000 years old, and 47,000 stems?

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