Punky Tapersex

Spanish will often modify an English word to suit her own needs, change the word’s spelling and/or pronunciation and/or part of speech. It’s as if the language will take a little globalization, but on her own terms. So: a tuxedo is known as un esmoquin, from the English “smoking jacket”; a standard is un estándar; a parking lot is un parking; a punk rocker, un punky. Paddle ball is padel, and a comic-book fanatic is un friki (pronounced like “freaky”). A popular nightclub is sometimes called un trendy; an after-party, un after; and the jet set, la jet*.

Then there’s el tapersex. What’s el tapersex? Is it some kinky Mediterranean love-sport that involves adhesives? Or video? Or maybe Tantric feats of stamina (“Easy, now…taper off…taper…taper…”)? In fact, none of the above. El tapersex is what happens when a group of women get together to learn about the latest sex toys over light hors’ d’oeuvres. That is to say, el tapersex is Tupper sex. The short “u” sound does not exist in Spanish—when hesitating, Spaniards don’t say umm…, they say emm…—and what happens is the short “a” frequently gets used instead. Hence, el tapersex. Pronounced “TAH-per-sex.”

*La because even thought the word for ”jet” is masculine (avión), the Spanish expression for high society, la alta sociedad, is feminine. Conversely, The Rolling Stones are known as Los Rolling despite the fact that the word for stones is feminine (piedras)—presumably because, whatever Mick was up to in the early eighties, they are a group of men.

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Charlie Geer is the author of the novel “Outbound: The Curious Secession of Latter-Day Charleston.” His work has appeared in Tin House, The Sun, Bloomsbury Magazine, and The Southern Review.